Defeated

"Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure."
-- George Woodberry, Poet

I haven't posted recently because I've been wrestling with where I fit into the whole WORS/racing picture. I wanted to make a clear decision, and have time to process that decision before I "announced" it to the "world", as I knew I'd likely receive some criticism. Seeing this quote today reminded me I shouldn't be ashamed of my decision, I tried and I failed. Time to move on. Time to remember what puts that smile on my face again.

Rather than become one of the "statistics" and simply stop racing, I've made the decision to "admit defeat" and go back to Sport for the rest of the year. This decision was actually made somewhat collectively, as I've had numerous supportive e-mails from friends over the past month concerned that I'm not in a good place in regards to racing. These e-mails really got me thinking, and after the race at Franklin, I realized I really am not having fun. I love to ride my bike, but I hate racing elite.

I knew it was going to be tough this year. . . . .but I hadn't anticipated just how tough. And I'm not talking about the fitness level, although that's surely part of it. More so (for me) is the HUGE speed differential between myself and the comp guys, who are on my ass pretty quickly. While I have to admit I've been overwhelmed by the support MOST of them have given me this year, especially these past few races, encouraging me, telling me to stay where I am and don't worry about them, even protecting me from other "less cordial" boys. . . . . .that speed difference is just too much for me. Try as I might, I feel an overwhelming desire to get out of their way so as to not be a "factor" in their race. And how can you let ONE go by, and not the string of 10 behind him? How fair is that? Now I've helped ONE guy's race, but hurt 10 others.

Couple that with the ONE guy who decides to be a jerk and snap at me every race (not the same person each time), and now I'm feeling like all I am is in the way. I'm already maxed out on heart rate, I'm trying to ride as fast and as clean as I possibly can, and now I'm being yelled at to get out of the way. It's like I'm being told "you're not doing a good enough job, just get out of the way". These are all the things that run through my mind during an elite race. THIS is why I'm not having fun.

While I'm not making excuses for my "defeat", I hope that reading what goes on in my mind during a race at least makes people a little more understanding of my decision. I've never won a Sport race, and given the kick ass women in that field this year, I doubt I'll have it easy to even TRY and be a competitor. Due to these factors, I certainly don't consider myself a "sandbagger".

Although I've already made my decision, I'm open to listening to what people have to say about this issue. In fact, I'd rather you voice your opinion here, rather than criticize me behind my back (if this is indeed what you feel the need to do). My decision is made, and interestingly enough, I made this decision only AFTER e-mailing with some of my sport & elite peeps, asking for their feedback on the issue. I was amazed at how supportive people were. . . . .. how they welcomed me back with open arms. How they told me they understood, and that racing was supposed to be fun. If I wasn't having fun, what's the point? I knew the WORS crowd was "different". . . . . .I guess I just didn't realize how absolutely awesome, caring and genuine these people truly are.

I would like to extend a big THANK YOU to those people who have been there for me this year. I'm glad I tried elite this year, but I'm even more glad I'm a big enough person to admit I just don't fit.

I'll see you on the SPORT start line at Sunburst.