Something to remember

"No matter how bad someone has it, there are others who have it worse. Remembering that makes life a lot easier and allows you to take pleasure in the blessings you have been given."

~ Lou Holtz

Unbelieveable

I cannot believe the stupidity of so many drivers in today's world. Is it just that everyone is in such a hurry? Or is it because they hate cyclists so much? Or are people just too busy texting to notice a cyclist with the right of way in front of them?

In the past week someone has backed into one of my friends (thankfully going slowly, but causing some damage to her bike), another friend was taken out by a car resulting in several broken ribs, broken hip, torn aorta, multiple lacerations and surgery required, and I witnessed a car BARELY stop short of running over a youth riding his bike across the cross walk when he had the walk signal.

Un-freaking-believeable.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery to our friend Michael. He's down at Froedert for the time being. . . .had surgery to put a rod in his leg last night and patch him up. I'm told the driver was issued a citation. . . . .but that hardly seems like enough as Michael will be sitting in the hospital for a while.

Pay attention people. Seriously. How long does it take to take a second look? You could just save some one's life.

"Success comes from taking the hand you were dealt and using it to the very best of your ability".

~ Ty Boyd

My doctor reminded me of the fact that so much of our life is thanks to our genetics. He said it really sucks that one person has to work so much harder at something than the next person, simply because their parents passed on "good genes" to them. I can tell you first hand, yes, it does suck and it's unfair. But then life isn't really "fair" is it? :-)

"Genes" are the reason we're monitoring my future closely as well. Better safe than sorry. . . . .and better to pay attention to the "small signs" than think you're not at risk at all. So far, so good, now that "middle age" is creeping up on me.

Do you ever have those days?

Do you ever have those days where you just feel like you can't do anything right? Where you feel like you can't be everything people want/need you to be, like you're letting others down, like there's not enough of you to go around? Those days where you feel so ignorant, so fragile, so out of touch?

I seem to be having more of those days lately. I look at those around me and feel like life is passing me by because I'm sitting back and waiting. What am I waiting for? I've never been one to live life for MYSELF, which is why I sometimes end up feeling over committed and tied to other's schedules, other's moods, etc. I drop what's important to ME at a moment's notice to be there for the people who are important to me, even though it's not "required" or even "asked" of me. Then I feel sad that others don't want to do this for me. I understand it's not fair to "expect" people to treat me the way I treat them. . .. .and I truly don't "blame" these people for living their own lives. . . . .but how do you undo 40 years of programming to put yourself first and not be disappointed when the people you care about aren't on the same level?

I stopped at my dad's house today to take some more pictures for the bank. I needed to check in on things and really start documenting my case for why this house is not going to sell for what the mortgage is on it. It felt really cold and empty. It gave me this very strange, empty feeling. It made me think deeply about my dad and about how now that he's gone so much has changed inside of ME. It seems strange to say that. . . . .but I'm carrying a tremendous amount of guilt around with regards to his passing and being inside that house only reminds me of what I could have done, should have done, while he was still alive. It has me looking inside my own life wondering what else there is to life. It has me missing these conversations that I would have with him.

I've always said there's two ways to deal with things. Either curl up and die, or come out fighting and change yourself, your attitude, whatever is necessary. I've always been inclined to do the second, understanding I am responsible for my own destiny and only I control my own happiness. But lately I feel like I've become the first type of person. . . . .where I'm not sure I have the energy or even the desire to change.

It's interesting that these little battles go on inside everyone, only most people don't talk about them much less put them out there for the world to read. Instead they go buy an expensive car/toy, start dating a younger woman/man, fill their lives with non-stop activities so they don't have to stop and "feel", etc. After all, we're all seeking something better out of life, aren't we? Only some of us have the courage (or stupidity, call it what you will) to put these thoughts out there for the world to see/read.

I have many things to be thankful for. . . . .don't get me wrong. And my life certainly isn't bad by any means. I'm just complex and complicated and every once in a while I stop to take a deep look inside myself. It's at those times I realize I tie a great deal of my OWN happiness to others and I simply don't understand why.

Interesting.

A quote to take to heart

"Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end".

~Denis Waitley

Photos

I'm very much enjoying my new camera. . . .sometimes I even enjoy taking pictures more than I enjoy racing.

I've uploaded the Sunburst Showdown pics on Flickr: CLICK HERE

I'm looking forward to spending my 40th birthday riding my mountain bike today. Just a low key day. There's been so much excitement lately, I need a down day to worry about "me".

Happy Tuesday everyone.

Interesting weekend

It was quite a weekend this time around. With Kewaskum nearly a whole 5 minutes from our back door, we had the good fortune of sleeping in our own beds and having some time to do "other" things Saturday. Saturday afternoon we got home from running errands and suited up to ride our bikes over to the hill. Kiki (aka Niki) was one of our house guests for the weekend as her husband Skip had to stay home to help her slave driving brother do some home repairs. So Captain, Kiki and myself headed on over in the fall like conditions to get our pre-ride in.

For some reason I didn't find it odd that we weren't meeting up with anyone. I wasn't sure what any one's plans for pre-ride were. . . . but honestly I'm usually best doing a pre-ride on my own anyway (especially on a ski hill). . . . .so I just didn't think about it. I didn't even think about it when Kiki kept texting all the while we were at the ski hill. . . . .I figured she just missed Skip.

While I knew we were having people over for a combination b-day celebration for AnnTony and myself, I had no idea they were plotting to decorate the Nigh joint up to surprise me. Silly me. I arrived home from pre-ride to see a big Happy Birthday banner on the garage door, and balloons, party streamers and decorations galore awaiting me. Including one BIG Scooby Doo pinata. Sweet.

After a nice little celebration (of which I did not have to clean ANYTHING up - thank you everyone), we headed off to bed for some much needed rest to prep for the big Sunburst Showdown.

Sunday morning arrived much quicker than I would have liked. Lots of tossing and turning made the night less than optimal. Funny thing is, none of the strange dreams were even about the upcoming race. Interesting. I must finally be letting go of the outcome. :-)

Off to the ski hill, I knew my legs were tired. The boys say I'm still probably a bit fatigued due to all the riding I did at Levis. . . . . .I think I'm just not in as good of shape as I should be, definitely not in as good of shape as I have been in years past. . . . .whatever the reason, I made my goal to be able to finish all 3 laps without having to walk the hill. Seemed like a reasonable goal.

On the start line my head was swimming. . . . . .lots of thoughts about my dad flooded my mind. This was always the race he would come watch me at, since he just lived in Hartford. He'd always be so proud of me, all smiles when I saw him. I started to tear up a bit knowing he would not be at this race (at least in the physical sense). It was just about that time that Bill informed me my sister and her family had come to watch me. She always came with dad in past years. . . . . .to know she was out there, that she still came had me break down. Nearly BAWLING on the start line Don began call ups. I had to pull it together. Yikes I had hoped no one saw me wiping tears from under my Rudy Projects. Up to the line, I look over to see Heather (my sister) and I took a deep breath and waved. I could almost visualize my dad standing with her. It was a very powerful moment. Again trying not to cry I hear a group of my peeps yell "Happy Birthday Brittany" and now I'm laughing while I'm almost crying. Uuugh. I knew it was going to be a long race.

Off the start the girls seemed to move slowly. I worked up to the front of the pack, hoping to stay somewhere up there as I knew I could ride that whole start climb. A couple gals passed me and I settled in the top 10 as we turned for the bunny hill. Digging deep, I scooted up my saddle, dropped it in a smaller gear and spun up a few places, hoping to stay ON my bike. I almost got my wish. We met up with a few of the slower sport boys on the steep part of the climb going into the woods. I had to put a foot down so I wouldn't take anyone out, but then was able to quickly hop on my bike again. That was my smartest move as I managed to put a gap on many of the girls that ended up having to walk.

Every lap hurt a little more. . . . .coming to the end of the 2nd lap (after making a stupid move to pass a girl on the fast down hill - thank goodness I didn't hit a rut as I'm sure I would have been in the ambulance then), I was really feeling the pain (you can see it in my face!).

I saw my "rabbit" as Bill says (thanks Keith, you really kept me pushing), and I hoped I would be able to again, stay on my bike. Hitting the bunny hill for the 3rd time I made little bargains with myself. Bargains like "ok, just get pasts this one little climb and then it's sort of flat for a couple seconds and if you REALLY can't take it, you can get off then). Then I'd hit the next part and say "ok, you're that much closer to the top, you can rest in a few minutes, just hang in there". I'm really not sure how I made it through that last lap. I'm pretty sure I saw angels waiting to carry me away I was in so much pain. My body was starting to twinge, my sweating had stopped and goosebumps were taking over, my breathing was very ragged. . . . .but I reminded myself I was ALIVE and my dad was watching me from where ever he was. As much as it hurt, I couldn't walk and I had to give it 110%. For him. That's what carried me to the end. That and knowing there would be ice cold water waiting as well. :-)

Already tonight I feel like a piece of crap, every muscle in my body hurts like hell and I'm dreading what tomorrow is going to bring. Maybe I'll be surprised and wake up feeling like a million bucks! You never know. It can happen. :-) I'm hopeful.

Feelin' kind of lost

I've been feeling kind of lost lately. I'm not sure why. I don't know if it's because I have a milestone birthday coming up and it's making me contemplate life? Or if it's because some of the relationships I rely most on in my life aren't what they used to be or what I feel I "need" them to be? Or if it's because I'm not where I thought I would be in life when I hit 40, but when I stop to think about that. . . .I'm not really sure where I thought I would be. Or if it's because I'm missing my dad, thinking about him every day, wishing I had more time to say the things that are in my heart.

Maybe it's a combination of all of these things. Whatever it is, I don't like it. I'm not a weak, lost, person. . . . .but yet lately this is who I am.

Maybe I just need some more recovery. Yeah, that's it. Rest and recovery. Ahhhh. Mental well-being here I come.

Hopefully.

Quote

"Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it."

-- Brian Tracy, Speaker, Author, Consultant

I like this quote. :-)

It's what I've been trying to do since my dad died. . . . .whether I realize it or not. Some days I REALLY miss him.

Back from vacation

We're back from vacation, almost unpacked, and have the second load of laundry in. Seems we went through quite a few towels and sheets with people coming and going from the "hotel on wheels" this week.

Vacation started off at Eau Claire. We rolled in, set up camp and kicked our feet up. Saturday I did a bit longer pre-ride than usual (like 3 times longer), but was having such fun on the bike, I didn't want to stop. Sunday's race went OK. Could have been better, but then it always could have been better unless you win, right? Eau Claire is notoriously bad for me with all the open double track. BUT I fared much better than in years past, and definitely much better than my elite race there last year (uuugh).



Sunday night we packed up the hotel on wheels and headed up to Levis for the week. Talk about fun riding. That place is the best. We rode every day, which is unusual for me. And I think by the time the WEMS race rolled around on Saturday I had hit just about every inch of that trail in at least one direction.

I had high hopes for the 3 hour WEMS race. But after putting the hammer down off the start, I realized 8 days in a row of riding with a race tacked on each end of that appears to be the max my body can handle at this point in my training. So I decided to keep it under control, back it off a few notches, and have a fun 3 hour ride. And that's exactly what it was. My first 2 laps were within seconds of each other (which is awesome considering I typically run out of steam by 1:40) and the last lap was only a couple minutes longer. I rode all the "scary" stuff, rode clean, rode smart, and had a blast. There were a bunch of faster girls, so I didn't place too well. . . . .but I was happy with my consistency and my technical abilities.

Now it's back to the real world. We'll bake some chicken garlic Papa Murphy's pizza for dinner, catch up on the tour and relax. Then the madness of catch up and fitting back into the real world begins tomorrow. Yuck.

Meltdown

I seem to be having a bit of a personal melt down today. I do believe I am in desperate need of a vacation.

While the real estate market isn't as bad as everyone says it is. . . .I'm behind on my closings for the year. I seem to be spending a lot of time with buyers and sellers and having not a lot happen. That happens some times, but it's frustrating when you're working like a dog and don't see a pay check. Commissioned sales isn't all it's cracked up to be at times.

On the bike front, I'm enjoying my new ride, but I am a bit frustrated with Trek. First of all, I am very thankful that I was given the frame I was given as a warranty. I understand it was a significant step up from what I had, and I'm thankful to have fallen into that gift. However, it isn't my fault they didn't have something to replace what broke. I guess this is the reason it took almost 6 weeks to GET a frame. . . . which really sucks. I'm told my case has caused them to take a good look at their warranty system in order to improve it going forward. I'm truly not one to be a big complainer, but this is a good thing for them. Six weeks to get a new bike is unacceptable in my book. . . no matter how great the upgrade is. Had I not had a friend who HAPPENED to have a bike my size collecting dust. . . I would have been sitting SIX WEEKS without a mountain bike. Hmmmm, that doesn't seem to be the best customer service if you ask me.

While my shop worked diligently at getting this issue rectified, when the new frame DID come, it did NOT come complete. Of course several more items needed to be ordered. . . .shipped. . . then assembled. And I'm STILL waiting for a front derailleur. I have a borrowed on one now, which "works", however it requires a couple shifts, some soft pedaling and some gentle shifting to get into the big ring. Not really what I want to be thinking about during a race.

I guess I should just be happy I have a bike, even if it has been a 6 week headache (which still hasn't come to a close).

On top of that, Thunder's blood tests did indeed come back high for her Lyme's disease. . . . .so now we're starting treatment on that. I gave her her first dose of antibiotics tonight. now I'm supposed to watch to see if they make her ill. Gosh I hope they don't. I don't really have the patience to be dealing with that crap right now. If she doesn't get sick I have to go to the PEOPLE pharmacy to get her actual prescription. Yeah, and you people with kids think us people with dogs have it easy? I'd venture to say no. Thunder is about as human as they come.

And those are just the issues I can talk about for the world to see. There are even more under the surface. Time to suppress and deny again. Seems to work for me at times. Keep so busy you forget there ARE issues. It's the human way.

Well, it's almost 5pm. I say that means it's time to have a drink. Heaven knows I sure need one today. Uuugh. Vacation can't get here SOON ENOUGH.